Sunday, April 29, 2012

Time to think

Last week I made a trip north to meet a friend I haven't seen in 3 years for dinner. She was in Dallas visiting family so we decided to meet halfway. It was the first time I have been "alone" for such an extended period of time in I don't know how long. I am constantly surrounded by friends, family, co-workers, etc. and the longest drive I have made since being released is to Ft. Sam Houston for follow up doctor appointments or to go to work - so making a 3 hour journey was something for the record books.

That drive let my mind wander all over the place. How lucky I am to be driving. How blessed I am to have insurance. How glad I am to be seeing a friend and meeting her beautiful daughter for the first time. How amazing it is to be alive. How THANKFUL I am for the people that love me. How things could have been so much worse. How I hope to GOD that my children are NOT affected by this horrific disease. How I want to be an advocate for people with ostomies and Crohn's disease. How I wish there was a Sonic between Round Rock and Belton.

How I put on a super duper strong front on the outside when I am really a hot mess on the inside. How only a handful of people REALLY know how bad it really was there for awhile. How only ONE friend can honestly relate to what it is like to have people judge you for being sick when you don't look sick. How I wish that friend couldn't relate because that would mean that she didn't have Crohn's disease and as much as I love that we can lean on each other, I'd rather go it on my own if it meant she was healthy.

How I wish I would have left earlier so I could have stopped at Ikea. How everyone says I am so strong but they don't know I cry in the shower every morning. How my life is changed FOREVER. How I will always have Crohn's disease no matter what. How lucky I am to still have a job. Thank you Jai - you had no idea how that drive affected me, if it wasn't for you I never would have been able to sort out my brain.
Me, Jai and Gemma :)

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